The Meaning of Birth
by KotomineArturia
Summary: In a world of magic and mystery, one lone man struggles to fulfill the basic needs of life.
1. Evil is only a concept of the human mind

… My consciousness is breaking apart. Just a rough meter in front of me stood my worst nightmare, heck, any store clerk's worst nightmare, a large shadow, ready to engulf the store at any moment. The shadow makes a movement, stretching for one of the packages of chewing gum that were conveniently placed right next to the register, however just before grabbing it, the hand reclines, and the shadow goes back to its original position. He was here again... that man, bathed in the light of fluorescent lamps... Kotomine... Kirei...

He had been standing here, right in front of the register, staring at the various chewing gum packages for at least twenty minutes now, and there was quite the line building up behind him, his wares had already been scanned and were ready to be payed for... but somehow he always got stuck by the chewing gum. A lot of angry complaints could be heard from people in the back of the line, however this priest didn't seem to notice, but, in an attempt to make him move, I decided to try and catch his attention. "Excuse me, sir, it's all right to pay now, if you'd just-" I didn't get any further, as he cut me off with a sharp look. He chuckled lowly, and I could feel a chill go up my spine, as his face turned into a quizzical smirk.

He begun speaking, in a dark, dramatic voice "Do not say something so obvious. There is but one goal for me: to buy the best type of confection traditionally made of chicle, a natural latex product, or synthetic rubber known as polyisobutylene, which is a non-vulcanisable form of the butyl rubber used for inner tubes or to line tubeless tires." A voice filled with strong will, but that didn't make his sentence any less confusing. The statement had taken me entirely by surprise, also the useless chewing gum trivia might have overheated my brain, and so he just turned away from me, and resumed staring at the confection which is traditionally made of chi... chewing gum. The people in line had also grown quiet, however a lot of them were looking at me, expecting me to make a new attempt at making this troublesome customer hurry up.

I did my best to recollect my thoughts, and I tried to answer him as politely as possible, but it's hard to remain cool when someone makes an outrageous statement like that. "What are you talking about, there is no way you could find... that thing you were looking for here, so you might as well just pay up and leave." I tried to sound tough, but my voice wavered slightly towards the end, and it was clear the priest caught onto it. He once again smiled at me, in a way that made me sure he was evil all the way through, and answered in the same type of way as he had before. "Of course not. I cannot do anything about this, nor do I intend to. But I have told you, I will find the best chewing gum in here." he turned away from me, glaring intently at a package of strawberry chewing gum, and started talking in a much lower tone. "I'm about to find it, so it's only natural for me to protect it from other customers who mighty try to buy it..."

Now he was just directly contradicting himself, however before I was able to point that out a the woman behind him in line yelled at the top of her lungs. "Are you insane!? I have an important meeting in fifteen minutes, and if my boss don't have these cookies by then he'll rip my head off!"

She pointed at the package of cookies in her hand for emphasis, and it seemed to have had some effect, as Kotomine quickly turned to her direction. "The same goes for you. There is no sanity here. Our end will be the same, even if we accomplish our goals. You will buy it, while I will protect it. You came here knowing that." I was pretty certain the woman had no idea about that when she came here, none of us did, except for him, but he didn't seem like he cared about that detail, and he thoroughly ignored the woman's attempt to explain that she wasn't interested in buying whatever chewing gum he was trying to protect.

It was clear reasoning with him wasn't going to get us anywhere, so I tried a new approach, if he wanted to speak nonsense I'd just play along with him, if I cooperated maybe he'd leave my store alone. "Why? Why are you going so far to protect this gum? You said it yourself, even if you get it, the end result will be the same... so why?" Apparently I had pushed the right button, because even though his grim facial expression hadn't changed, there was suddenly a certain light in his eyes. "There is no room for questions. This is my only pleasure, Emiy-" he cut off in the middle of the sentence, and stared at my chest, probably looking at the name tag, and soon he continued where he had left off. "This is my only pleasure, John Smith. As you feel ultimate bliss in selling people things. I feel supreme bliss in chewing a perfect chewing gum." That was his answer to why he was stalling this entire line, for something as simple as that, he had annoyed over half of my regular customers. I should note, by the way, that I do not find supreme bliss in selling things, I just lack the skills to do anything else.

I was about to respond, however suddenly he swiftly grabbed a package of lemon flavored chewing gum and threw it at me. "I'll take those." he said without emotion. I wasn't sure what to do, first of all people usually didn't throw whatever they wanted to buy at me, second of all my mind had a hard time wrapping itself around the possibility that he had actually made a choice, especially considering how mundane his choice was, after all that thinking. I think a minute passed without me doing anything except staring at the priest, however I eventually came to my senses and quickly scanned his choice with my scanner. Which I purchased just two weeks ago, she's my pride and joy, I didn't get to eat dinner for like a month, but it was worth it, no more tapping that complex register whenever someone bought something.

I saw the end of this trial come near, and there was just one step left before he would leave... the paying. "Well, that comes down to 583.46 dollars, sir." I had forgotten that he had bought so much, I wonder if he was going to have a feast or something... Not that it mattered, Kotomine was finally reaching into one of his pockets, presumably to bring out his wallet, however it seems he had been reaching into the wrong one, as when he pulled out his hand it was still empty, and he instead started searching his other pocket. After about half a minute he had searched every pocket on his robe, including the ones on the inside, and he calmly stated the solution he had reached with this search. "I forgot my wallet."

I knew it had been too good to be true, there was no way this would just end as easy as that. "How do you forget your wallet anyway?" I said exasperated, I just couldn't take this anymore, I needed a break, not necessarily from work, just from this guy. "It would appear I am wearing my work robes rather than casual robes. They look very similar. Exactly the same, actually." he didn't seem very distressed about having forgotten his wallet, in fact he acted as if it was natural. I could only stare at him, it passed through my mind that I should ask him why he has different robes if they look exactly the same, but it'd probably just be a dead end anyway. Apparently he had taken my silence as a sign for him to keep on talking as he suddenly burst out, going back to the dark and dramatic voice he had used earlier.

"First of all, why not forget it? It is naïve to assume that it is evil before I have even forgotten it. Is it not love to allow something to be born into this world, even if it's just an event?" he stared at me, he looked completely serious. I was beginning to lose my temper with this guy. "Yeah right, forgetting your wallet is not something good, no matter how you look at it!" he could stare at me with those creepy emotionless eyes all he wanted, I didn't care how dramatic he could make his voice, I had had it. "Oh, then let me ask. What is good? What is evil? Are you saying forgetting something is an absolute evil?"

There was no logical response to that, of course not, forgetting something probably wasn't even evil to begin with, I'm just saying it's not good. "Well that's..." I was looking for away to formulate my thoughts in a sophisticated manner, however he never gave me the chance to respond. "Fair enough. There is no answer from the start. That's what shopping sprees are like. There is no clear answer, and the objective is always changing. There was no absolute truth to begin with. Shopping sprees are both good an evil, and it's up to you to decide which is which. The start is zero, and there is no crime in being born, even if you're just an event."

He took his eyes off me and looked towards the store exit, where two men were standing, one in a fashionable white coat with fur lining, one that I am fairly sure was made for women, but he didn't seem bothered by it. The other one was a man with strange blue hair, but then again, I know there's a kid with red hair in this town, he usually hangs with that girl who has purple hair, so maybe strange hair colors weren't that... strange in this town. Anyway, Kotomine motioned for them to come closer, however the only one who responded was the blue haired man, who made his way over to the register, looking fairly agitated.

Once he reached the register he glared at me, then at the priest, and then back at the man with the white coat, for whatever reason. He didn't say anything, so Kotomine decided to speak first. "Lancer, I forgot my wallet. Give me yours." Usually such a demand would seem... strange, but after today, I'd be fairly calm if I suddenly saw ancient heroes jumping around fighting each other, right here in this average town. Yeah, like that would happen. The blue haired man didn't seem to like it at all, though. "Why do you always need my money!? The bastard over there is waltzing around wearing gold, and for no adequate reason, might I add!!" he jabbed his thumb towards the man at the entrance. Sure, that coat was probably expensive, but I wouldn't go as far as saying he was wearing gold...

The priest was not amused by the man known as Lancer's refusal, and he said, in a commanding tone. "Lancer, give me all of your money." A weird light suddenly came from Kotomine's wrist, and as if he no choice, Lancer reached into the pocket on his Hawaii shirt and pulled out his wallet. "This is all I have on me right now." he growled as he handed over a rather large bundle of cash. Kotomine handed it over to me, and using my average counting ability, I was able to declare that in my hand I had 583 dollars, 46 cent short of the target. "Don't worry, just go, those last few cents are on the house." I just wanted him out of there, it actually wouldn't have mattered if he had payed or not.

But Kotomine shook his head. "No, I do not wish to incur a debt, remember that we are not allies, we are only pursuing the same goal for now, and are thus working together to achieve it." he looked at the stack of wares. I'm pretty sure this wasn't the case at all, my number one goal right now was moving this line along, and that seemed to be the last thing on his mind. Suddenly, Kotomine sighed, it sounded weary, and very out of character. "Looks like I have no choice. You may keep the chewing gum. That should bring us to an even 583, am I correct?" My brain exploded. I could no longer feel my own body, it was as if I was soaring from above, watching the scene unfold before my eyes. "Yes sir, have a good day!" my now soulless body answered, and flashed the priest a bright smile.

He proceeded to where the baggers had packed all of his groceries into plastic bags and the man in the white coat was eying it, as if trying to judge how many he could carry just from the look of them. One of the baggers, an acne ridden teen boy, cautiously approached the party which had gathered and offered helping them carry the bags to their car. However the man in the white coat just burst out laughing, and picked up four of the six bags without effort. "You are all nothing but women and children!! HAHAHAHA!!!" And so the most likely escaped mental patient walked out of my store, laughing all the way.

The blue haired man picked up the remaining two bags, and started following Kotomine as he walked towards the exit. However, just in front of the automatic doors he stopped, causing the man behind to bump into him. "You know Lancer, have you ever wondered what these automatic doors think of what they are doing?" Lancer didn't answer, he just sighed, seemingly knowing what was about to come. "If these automatic doors have feelings like a human, and agonize over what they do, then they are evil, however if-" Kotomine never got to finish his line of thought, as Lancer had given him a swift kick in the back, sending him flying out of my store, hopefully never to come back.


	2. I've drawn the strongest card for sure!

On the surface, Fuyuki City might seem like any other city in Japan, it has tall buildings, mansions, a shrine and a church. However, should you look beyond the surface, one would be quick to discover that the more interesting events in Fuyuki happened behind closed doors, where only a few spectators could see what was going on. Today, such a thing was taking place in one of the backrooms of Kotomine's Church. It was not often this room was used, which had given the room a rather dingy look, and when the door had first been opened the dust in the room had created something akin to a blizzard which still had not completely settled. The only source of light in the room was an old lamp, hanging from the ceiling in the center of the seemingly forgotten chamber. Right underneath this lamp was a table, and around this table five men had gathered, and tensions were high.

One man in particular was reaching the breaking point, he could feel his temper rising, if the current stalemate carried on much longer, he might go insane. He had to do something to stop this. "Look, are you in or not?" he growled, but the man he had directed his question at didn't move a muscle, he just stared at the square shaped objects in his hands with the same stern face he had worn for as long as anyone could remember. Someone else on sitting by the table did respond, however. "You should calm down, Lancer, if you don't think things through and act purely on instinct you will end up dead. In fact, question the nature of instinctive decisions, if you-" the man was cut short as Lancer kicked him in the shins under the table. "Yes yes, think a lot, good vs evil, what is life, blah blah, the only one who actually listens to you is that Emiya kid, and he's not here." he snapped back, and the man returned to silence with a disgruntled 'hmph'.

However, the man everyone was waiting on suddenly moved, not by much however, in fact, the only thing that moved was his mouth. "Caster." he said, and from the shadowy corners of the room, a woman dressed in robes stepped out. "Yes, Master?" she inquired as she took her position, standing behind him. He gestured at his cards. "Those two looks somewhat similar, does that mean anything?" The woman looked closer at his cards, and then nodded. "That's a pair of threes, Master." she replied. The man slowly nodded and stared even more intently at his cards. "Are they of any use to us?" he then said, apparently having no idea what was going on. The woman sighed. "No, I suggest you fold." The man once again nodded, and put his cards face down on the table. The woman returned to her corner with a sigh, she did love him, but his habit of being oblivious when it came to certain things could be tiring.

With that the game went on, and the one next in line to make his move was an old man. He was well known for planning ahead, and controlling things from behind the scenes, so he had been expected to be a powerful opponent, however, it soon became apparent why he usually did not take the field himself, he had a terrible poker face. The others by the table had been quick to pick up the signs he made when he had a good respectively bad hand. A good hand meant he started chuckling in a menacing manner, the louder he was, the better cards he had. Bad cards on the other hand meant he'd be mumbling something about useless relatives.

In whichever case, it would seem as if he had hit the jackpot, because he was pretty much losing it. "Kukukukukukukukukuku!! All of you fools shall be aware of my wrath!!" he slammed his cards down on the table, revealing a straight flush. He resumed laughing loudly, seemingly sure of his victory, and he didn't stop until a white haired man in a red robe pointed out a flaw in his plan. "That's not how you play." he stated coolly and leaned back in his chair. The old man turned towards the man with the speed of... an old man, sufficient to say it didn't have much of a shock effect. "What do you mean!?" he pointed at him with his walking stick, almost losing balance. This time, Lancer answered, mimicking Archer's tone. "You have to let the rest of us bet too, before you reveal what you have, otherwise the whole point of the game is pretty much ruined."

The old man sat back down, realizing his obvious mistake, and mentally kicking himself for losing his cool. He looked at his cards for a while, before raising his head, looking at the men around the table. "Well, what do you plan to do?" His question was met with three answers, however all of them implied the same thing. "I can't beat that." "I'm out." and "Sorry to disappoint you, Matou, but I do not intend to fight this meaningless battle with you. Even though most battles have no result, this one is especially... Lancer stop that." the three men who had not already folded all threw their cards to the center of the table, signifying their withdrawal. Matou Zouken bit his lip, that hand could have earned him a lot of money... being the current head of a fallen family was pretty expensive, and neither he nor either of his grandchildren was in any shape to have a job. The survival of the Makiri line was dependent on his victory in this card game.

Suddenly the door burst open, showering the room with light. In the doorway stood a man clad in golden armor, with a confident smirk on his face. "Well then, I am willing to forgive your past actions of heresy, on the condition that you mongrels let me back into the game!!" he declared in a loud voice, and pointed at the table, in a manner that was supposed to be dramatic. Indeed, this peculiar man had been playing with the others some time ago, however due to an unanimous vote from the rest of the people around the table he had been thrown out of the room.

The reason this vote had come to fruition was simple. After the first hand had been dealt, the man in gold had spent an entire three seconds staring at his cards, before taking out two of them, the jacks of hearts and clubs, and throwing them right across the table, hitting Lancer in the face. He had then declared that his army was invading Lancer's territory, and that they would not relent, no matter what offering of peace their enemy came up with. Lancer, having no idea what he was doing, didn't respond, which resulted in the golden man throwing yet another card at him, the king of clubs, this time declaring that his second in command had taken total control of Lancer's territory, and he was now property of the King of Uruk. The King of Heroes had been forced to leave the room right after that.

Up until storming through the door, he had been spending his time in the room across the hall, sulking about how they shouldn't treat royalty like this, and how everything was his, so technically the rules of that game was his as well, and he should be the one to decide how it is played. However, it is also unfit for a king to mope around, so he had decided to confront the people in question. At first they had seemed rather impressed by his entrance, but after a quick conversation, they extended a new offering to the King of Heroes. "We are willing to let you back into the room, but you are not allowed to play, but, you may be the dealer." He regarded this proposition for a while, he did not want such a lowly position as a dealer, but he was bored. "Very well, you people are about to experience the bliss of having a royal dealer, take your time and cherish it!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" laughing like a mad man, the Royal Dealer sat down at the table next to his current Master, and begun shuffling the card deck.

For a while it went well, cards were dealt, bets were placed, it wasn't until the 'draw' phase begun that this game once again run into trouble. "I'll take three cards." the man in red said, however, the King of Dealers just passed right by him, to the next player. "I said I'll take three cards." the man tried again, this time a little louder. "Why don't you make them yourself, you Faker?" the man in gold said, obviously taunting the other man. There was no retaliation however, as they were interrupted by Lancer chuckling. "Faker? Sounds like you two have a hidden sex life you should tell the rest of us about, hehe..." the men in question both turned towards him to return the insult, however a certain priest beat them to it. "Do not be jealous, as Archer and Archer have found love in each other I am certain you shall find a man who fulfill your needs one day as well. Two cards." There was no a sign of amusement in his voice, nor did he even bother to look at the trio fighting. All three started yelling various insults back at him, however he just brushed them off. "The truth is a hard thing to find, if you do not pay attention it might slip you by, no matter how obvious it is."

The trio went quiet, arguing was pointless with that guy. The game continued, after being encouraged by Caster, Kuzuki Souichirou once again folded, however the others were all pretty confident they would be the winners, and as the final moment to raise the stakes came around, everyone's money had already been placed on the table. The dealer was having a great time, rubbing the fact that even with all of this money combined, they probably didn't have enough to buy even one of his slaves. It didn't seem like the stakes would go any higher, however, Matou Zouken decided to be the first person to step into madness. "Kukukukukuku! You fools! I raise the current bid with.... my grandchild. The legitimate one." he sat back, and ready to watch the others either fold or call his raise with all of their possessions, however his expectations were not met. "I call that with this piece of string." said Lancer, showing a small thread that he probably had just ripped out of his shirt. "I have a lot of dust in my basement, I too shall call your raise, putting that on stake." the priest was dead serious as always. Archer also threw a piece of string on the stack of money that was the current pot.

Zouken growled. "Fine, if you want to play it like that; I raise it again, with my granddaughter this time around!" This had a greater effect, as his granddaughter was recognized as an actually useful person. Not personality wise perhaps, but she was the key to destroying the world, something Kotomine Kirei had a great interest in. Lancer, being the first one up, decided that losing all of his money was bad enough. "I'm not risking anything more than my money, I fo-" a chuckle from the man in red robes made him stop. "Something you find funny, Faker?" he asked. The man replied, in a lighthearted way. "I was just thinking you're using that Disengage Rank C rather efficiently." he then resumed looking at his cards, as if that was all he wanted to say. "And what do you mean by that?" Lancer inquired further, knowing he was being taunted. "I'm just saying that the chances of you seeing a fight to the finish is about as large as Kotomine here living to see the end of the Fifth Grail War." Kotomine raised an eyebrow, not entirely sure what he meant by that. There were like three routes, surely he would survive in one of them.

Lancer took the bait, and changed his mind about the betting. "Fine then. I call your raise. Whoever wins shall also win my eternal servitude!" Lancer leaned back, trying to look confident, but at the same time knowing he had probably sealed his fate, as his hand was a plain nightmare, considering the stakes. "I see, in that case, I shall bet my entire Church." Kotomine stated, as it was the only thing of value he actually had. Archer looked satisfied with the results. "I in turn will call you with my left arm." he stated, apparently assuming that his left arm was of the same value as the other things that had been put on stake, however he was not meant with any protests.

Everyone was silent for awhile, until Matou Zouken broke it. "I can reveal my cards now, right?" he asked, sounded rather meek. The others nodded, and he once again broke out in a chuckle. "Kukukukukukukuku!! The name of Zouken is the same as despair!!!" he yelled out and slammed his cards down on the table, revealing a straight flush. Both Lancer and Archer gulped. "I... I have a pair of eights..." Lancer revealed, setting his cards down on the table. Archer too laid his cards down, revealing three kings. "Kukukukukukuku... looks like I win." Zouken stretched out towards the center of the table, about to take all the money when Archer stopped him. "Wait!..." he closed his eyes as if in concentration. "Hearts is the bone on my straight..." he murmured, causing Zouken to raise an eyebrow. The cards Archer had previously revealed were suddenly replaced with the ten of hearts through ace of hearts. "That's clearly cheating!!" Zouken yelled, however Archer just shrugged. "No one said anything about projection."

This time it was his turn to stretch for the big winning, however, the last player interrupted him. "Wait a minute, Emiya Shirou." Kotomine said calmly. Archer just sighed. "Stop calling me that, and what do you want?" Kotomine just ignored his request. "Emiya Shirou, there are two factors connecting a player to the poker game." he continued, as his voice grew darker, the man in gold's smile grew larger. "The hands in his cards, and his money in the pot, once you lose both of those, you shall be free from the current round." He gestured towards his cards and towards the stack of money. "Yeah so, what are you going to do?" Archer asked, sure that with a royal straight flush there was no way he would lose. Actually, there was no way he could lose. "It should be quick, I am merely removing your arm." Kotomine said, and laid his cards down on the table. Everyone, except Souichirou, leaned over to see what it was.

On the table in front of Kotomine there was five cards, all having the picture of a knight holding a sword in front of himself on them. "Those aren't even playing cards!" Matou Zouken exclaimed. Archer nodded in agreement. "What are you trying to pull here, you fake priest?" Kotomine stood up and turned his back on the table, walking towards the exit. "The Card of Sabers is considered the strongest one, there is probably no way to beat five of them at the same time. No one said anything about which cards to use. Archer, Lancer, carry the money to my quarters, I shall collect the girl and the arm when I feel the need for them." Leaving that as his final words, he closed the door to the room behind him, ignoring the screams of protest from the other players.


	3. You only have to put your mind to it

One mistake. In this business, one mistake could haunt you forever, ruining whatever chances you have at success in life. One mistake, and you are stuck here forever, and sadly, one mistake is almost mandatory, all you can hope for is that this one mistake will be something minor, something that will get past the boss' radar. For example, if you serve meat that might have gone bad without knowing it, that counts as a mistake, however it is possibly no one noticed it, thus you have cleared the one mistake trial without taking any severe damage. If you have a gas leak and accidentally light a cigarette in the wrong place, you'll probably be fired, hopefully you'll have a nice funeral though. My mistake was perhaps not as bad as that, but it was definitely something that could get me into trouble.

As soon as summer comes around a lot of employees decide to go on vacation, to the beach, climb the mountains, whatever it is people do. Even my boss decided he needed some time off, even though he only shows up here like once a week. Not that I complain, whenever he's away he puts me in charge, and that heightens my payroll, if only slightly. Besides, since I'm the one who closes up, no one notices if I swap some money from the register, I can always blame it on that weird guy who never talks with anyone.

At any rate, now that my boss was spending his holidays on some tropical beach, I had been left in charge of the place. I thought it would be a breeze, but due to some bad planning by someone I do not know, most of my staff had gotten their time off at roughly the same time, leaving only me and the previously mentioned weird guy. Not to panic, though, during summers, youngsters were always looking for job, so I just had to get by with some inexperienced personnel for a few weeks, I figured it wouldn't be much of an issue, I'm a people person, so I wouldn't really mind explaining to them how things worked.

Well anyhow, among all the people who wanted the job, three stood out in particular. One of them being a respected member of society, and the other two his aides or something along those lines. I figured hiring them would be a good idea, I didn't know why they were even seeking the positions, but I value privacy, so I didn't ask. During the interviews, they seemed pretty reliable, if somewhat cynical, so I hired them, thinking that the weeks until the regulars got back would be a breeze. See, if you didn't figure it out yet, that was where I made my devastating mistake. I should have known no respectable grown-man would seek to summer job in a fastfood chain...

As soon as I put them to work, their flaws had begun to show. To start with, there was only one of them actually working, but he wasn't doing a very good job, actually, saying he's 'working' might be somewhat of a stretch. Whenever a customer ordered something, he'd give them a long lecture on stuff no one even asked him about. This would continue on until the customer would willingly step out of line. As a result, a whole lot of people had lined up, just to hear this man's random bantering about what he seemed to think were larger-than-life issues. I wouldn't really mind if it weren't for the fact that they weren't buying anything, they'd just try their best to get their orders through, and when their plan didn't work, they just went home again.

I had tried to tell him, in a kind manner, that this wasn't a church, and that people didn't come here because they wanted to hear him preach, but that priest can be pretty charismatic. I had only uttered two words before he cut me off with an explanation of... I'm not entirely sure. You see, whilst he is talking, everything seems to make sense, and he seems like a pretty wise person, but when he's done and you think back on what he said, you realize you have no idea what anything of what he said means. I mean really, what does "The Holy Food War" mean anyway? I sure never heard of anything like that... how can he even ask me if I wish to withdraw from it? I mean I had refused because the way he said it made it seem like a pretty bad idea, but still...

Anyhow, that cash register was at a standstill, since I could only have one of them open. You see, I am currently operating the kitchen on my own, I had originally intended for the blonde guy who came with the priest to help me, but he refused. He refused to come anywhere near the kitchen, saying it might dirty his clothes, I told him we had specific uniforms that they were all going to wear anyway, but both he and the priest waved it off, saying something along the lines that such a thing was not acceptable for men in their position. I guess I could kind of understand the priest, but the blonde guy was kind of a mystery. So, since he wouldn't help out in the kitchen, I told him to go work the registers as well, but he refused that too, saying, and I quote "If these peasants wishes to speak with the king, they should ask for a proper audience. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" since then, he's just been sitting in a corner watching everyone else.

Finally, there was the blue haired guy. At least he had put on the uniform, mostly because the priest had made him, rather than out of free will. He had worked fine for a start, whilst the priest was clogging his register, this man had worked diligently. Until a few pretty women had come along. At first he had just flirted with them while they were ordering, I didn't mind, they seemed to like it, so maybe they would come back some other day, just to meet him. Anyway, suddenly he decided that these girls were so pretty, the company would pay the meal for them. We would not, but I don't think he cared. Soon after that, he abandoned his post and went to sit with them while they ate, having a jolly good time, and buying another meal 'on the house' for every new lady which he deemed pretty enough to walk through the door. Soon enough, he had a real harem going on, and it was costing him, and consequently me, a lot of money to keep it maintained.

My attempt of breaking it up had resulted in the girls shrieking and throwing their free food at me. I had decided to fallback to the kitchen and reevaluate my plans of assault, I did not realize until later that at the same time giving them more ammunition by making more food. Since our current positions clearly weren't working out, I figured the only thing I could do was swap some things around. If I could get the priest into the kitchen, I could get the line rolling, and hopefully it would balance out the cost of the harem. I'd have to think of a way to break that up later, and find a position for the blonde guy, who still hadn't moved.

I finished the last order for now and headed for the register, where I found the priest talking about something that had to do with protecting some mother or whatever. The customer this was directed at was looking pretty bewildered, so it was probably safe to assume he was mostly arguing with himself. Normally I would have waited for him to finish before interrupting, but knowing this guy, he'd probably continue until it was time to close if no one stopped him. "Excuse me, Kotomine, would you mind taking over the kitchen for a while?" I asked. Kotomine stopped talking and looked at me and then a sudden smirk appeared on his lips, I felt like I had tread into territory in which neither I nor any sane human belonged.

"What is wrong? Will you or will you not cook? Answer now, Emiy-" he went silent. Apparently he had forgotten my name, and since I weren't wearing a name tag he seemed to have quite some trouble. Well, at any rate, I knew what he was going to ask, and there was no real need for the question, as I had already told him. "I won't cook. I abandon my rights as a chef." I look directly as the priest and answer. "I see. I am disappointed, but it is the chef's will. This man has abandoned his right as a chef and withdrawn from the Holy Food War. Is that acceptable?" The priest addresses the customer, and not me. The customer looked confused for a while, but finally answered. "I-I don't care. That's his choice, I have nothing to say about it." Kotomine nodded. "..Hmm. I'll take that sense of guilt as a yield. Then let us begin right away." He left the register, and headed for the kitchen, however before vanishing out of sight he stopped, and said over his shoulder; "This is the path you have chosen, take pride in it."

I quickly shrugged off the possibly strangest conversation in my life, and got ready to take the orders. A lot of people left the line, probably they had just been there to listen to the madman talk, but there were still a few people ready to order, and I felt my spirits rise a little. The first order was a cheeseburger, however when I called the order out to Kotomine, I got a pretty bizarre answer. "You two bore me, you shall both die here." I wasn't sure what he meant, but a cheeseburger was sent my way, so I tried to push that line to the back of my mind, focusing on what was going on instead. However, when I yelled out the second order, Kotomine appeared from around the corner. "You are out of curry. Should I send Archer or Lancer to buy some more?" he asked, looking pretty sincere. Whilst I would appreciate either one of them doing something productive, there was something odd about his request. I know we had an entire bottle of curry in stock, as we only had one order which had curry in it, what else is that the last order hadn't been it, so why would he need curry. "I'm slightly afraid to ask, but why do you need more curry?" My mind was already painting up a nightmare scenario. The priest looked confused. "I used up all of it in the first order, as I said, shall I send Archer or Lancer to buy some more?"

Time slowed down. I felt like I was in one of those American movies, where the hero always dodged bullets somehow. Everything was clear, all unnecessary people or objects became blurry, all I could see was that one customer with his cheeseburger, which he was calmly unwrapping. My throat ran dry, my vocal chords snapped, I couldn't make a sound, but I knew he had to be stopped. With an athletic skill I didn't know I had, I jumped over the desk, separating the workers from the customers. However, that was the end of the miracle, as while I apparently had the skill to jump over it, I did not have the skill to land correctly, and I came crashing down on the ground, hurting my ankle in the process.

Whilst most of the people inside the building were now looking at me, lying as a pathetic heap on the floor, the man with the cheeseburger did not, and I could only watch in fear as he took his first bite, and immediately bounced out of his seat. "WHAT IS THIS!? ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME!? MY MOUTH! I NO LONGER HAVE A TOUNGE!!" he yelled at the top of his lungs, redirecting everyone's stares to him, rather than me. Whilst I was sure he was taking it to the extreme, for a man without a tongue he was surprisingly coherent, I couldn't blame him, he had enough curry on that burger to support a small village in India. "I'M SUEING! SEE YOU IN COURT!" he yelled, and pointed at me, who had still not gotten up from the ground. After that he downed his drink in one gulp and headed out of the store, slamming the door behind him.

This spectacle had made most customers lose faith in our usually pretty average food, and they were quick to follow the man out, leaving me alone with my newly hired employees, and the girls which one of them was currently entertaining. I really didn't feel like getting up, my career was over anyway, getting a new job was going to be hard... I might as well just die here. I flipped over, so that I now lie on my back, staring up into the ceiling. How did this happen to me? My life was just fine a week ago...

If I had been left be, I probably never would have gotten up, however suddenly I found a familiar face, the priest's, hovering in the air above me. Upon closer inspection, it wasn't really hovering, it was attached to a head, which in turn was attached to a body, which was standing on the ground next to me... I probably hit my head or something... "Jumping from that height, are you suicidal?" the priest asked, not looking very amused. Well to start with, that height was hardly enough to kill me, but even if I pointed that out, I don't think it would register in his brain. "Look, I'm really not in the mood right now, so if-" however the priest once again cut me off. "Do not assume you can do something just because I can. It will be the end of you." I had no idea he could something like what I had attempted, but it didn't really matter right now. I sighed. "Are you at least going to help me up?" I asked, but the priest began walking away. "I am afraid I cannot. I have stressing matters to take care of in the kitchen."

I don't think I could hate him more than I did at this very moment. I decided to rest a while longer on the floor, for about five minutes or so, before getting back up. Once up and going again, I headed to the staff room, they had a couch in there, and I was pretty sure I had sprained my ankle, so it would serve as a resting place for now. We probably wouldn't get anymore customers today anyway. Or ever, for that matter. On my way there, I passed the kitchen. "Kotomine, would you please return to the register, if anyone orders anything just call for me." Kotomine, who had been tapping the bottom of the now empty curry bottle to squeeze the last bits out on a half finished burger looked at me and smiled. "Gladly." He threw the bottle over his shoulder and walked past me. Things had already hit rock bottom, with him at the register things would hopefully resolve themselves somewhat. The harem would run out of resources, and hopefully disband.

--

I woke up about six hours later, feeling somewhat refreshed. It was only thirty minutes left until closing, so I got up from the couch and headed for the registers. As I turned around the corner, my mind registered several things at the same time. First of all, the blonde man had vanished, and his chair was now occupied by the blue haired man, who was sulking about losing all the women once he was unable to supply them with food. Second of all, Kotomine was still occupying the cash register, and he was talking to someone. A small girl, wearing a purple coat and a weird hat thing in matching color. Her reddish eyes and pale white skin and hair would have been the most conspicuous thing in the room, if it hadn't been for the giant man standing right next to her.

Easily reaching over two meters in height, the man was a least to say frightening sight. His skin was a deep gray, which was very noticeable, as the only thing he was wearing seemed to be a loincloth. His eyes noticed me immediately, and as soon as I had them on me I froze on the spot. I was looking at death, death had taken an almost human form and had come to claim my soul due to my idiocy. No one else in the room seemed bother by him, though. The man known as Lancer probably hadn't even noticed him, as he seemed far too busy lamenting over all that he had lost today, and Kotomine just seemed unimpressed, as he was giving them one of his speeches.

Suddenly, Kotomine stopped speaking. The little girl was jumping up and down with an annoyed look on her face. "Are you done yet? Are you done yet?" her shrill voice was sure to enrage the large man behind her, she was dead... I had to save her. Actually Kotomine was closer. I'll let him do it. "Yes, I am finished. What did you say you wanted?" Kotomine looked down on the register, ready to tap in their order. If I weren't frozen in panic, I would probably have been overjoyed right now. Something told me that witnessing this man finish his entire speech was an historical event that few would live to tell about.

The girl made her order, one kiddy meal, no surprise there, however she then turned to the giant behind her. "What do you want, Berserker?" she asked happily. The man looked at her, and then raised his head, looking straight at Kotomine. When he opened his mouth, all that came out was a large roar. "[ !!!!!!!!]" The voice made me jump for cover behind the wall, I didn't care how much pain I felt from my ankle right now, staying too close to that thing would be insane. Kotomine didn't move a muscle. "If you wish to order do so properly, I cannot understand what you are saying." Kotomine was completely calm. The giant roared again, louder this time. "[ !!!!!!!!!!!!!]

Lancer suddenly got out of his chair, no matter how deep in mourning he was, it would seem not even he was able to ignore the giant's presence. He didn't move from his corner, but he was eyeing the couple of newcomers suspiciously. Kotomine still hadn't shown any reaction to the giant's screams. "If you have not decided on what to get, please step out of the line, I have other customer's waiting." Kotomine gestured towards the empty space behind the girl and the giant, there was clearly no other customer's in here. It would appear as if this creature was getting frustrated as he raised his right arm high into the air, revealing that he was holding some kind of stone sword in it. It was obvious what was about to happen. Kotomine was a dead man, even though he was annoying, it wasn't really a fate I had wished upon him.

"[ !!!!!]" the stone sword came crashing down, however before it was able to connect with Kotomine's unprotected body, a blue flash shot across the room, shoving Kotomine out of the way. The sword crashed down, completely ruining the desk which Kotomine had been standing behind, and making a large hole in the wall that cut the kitchen off from the cash registers. If I hadn't already lost all hope of trying to explain my way out of this situation to my boss, I sure had now. Not that it really mattered, what had caught my interest instead was the blue flash that had saved Kotomine. Kotomine was now standing quite a distance away from the impact zone of the giant weapon, and infront of him stood Lancer, who had at some pointed gotten out of his work uniform, and was no wearing what seemed like some kind of medieval leather battle suit, colored blue.

Lancer chuckled. "Oi, oi, oi, I can't let you just go and kill my Master, no matter how useless he is." As he finished his sentence, a red spear appeared from his hands. I could hear Kotomine say 'that last one was unnecessary' under his breath. It was something straight out of a fantasy novel, giant men, medieval battle suits, magically appearing weapons... I really had hit my hard. The young girl just shook her head. "All I wanted was some food... I guess I have no choice. Berserker! Crush these pests!" she commanded. "[ !!!!]" the giant man rushed forward, however before he could reach Kotomine and Lancer, a voice rung out. "I'm back! Kotomine, I got the curry you were... hey, what's going on in here?"

In the doorway, the blonde man was standing, holding up a bottle of curry. The giant stopped dead in his tracks and looked at the newly arrived man. Suddenly, he let out a whimper, a very soft, and humanlike whimper, and then took off running, right through a wall. "Awww! You're all jerks!!" the girl yelled out with tears in her eyes and took off running after her giant companion. "Waaaait! Berserker! Come baaack!!" I could hear how she was crying, but I found it hard to pity her, with a companion like that.

I slowly came out of hiding, I had a million questions to ask, so I figured I'd start with one that should answer most of them. "Who are you people?" I thought it was a pretty good question in my head, but suddenly I felt like a stupid generic stock character, the kind of that shows up once and then dies, or never appears ever again. No one answered me though, they seemed pretty engulfed in their own conversation. "Wow, you two made quite a mess of this place while I was gone." Archer causally walked over to his two companions, kicking the occasional piece of wood or plastic that had been unfortunate enough to land in his path. "It is of no matter, the Church will have this covered up before morning. All we have to take care of is the witnesses, Lancer, I'll leave cleanup duty to you." Kotomine swept off some dust on his robes, before starting to walk towards one of the exits, Archer immediately changed path and followed him.

I didn't like the sound of the whole witness thing. It sounded like it could be bad for me. Very bad. Lancer started walking in my direction, looking pretty disinterested. "I can't say I take pleasure in killing unarmed women." he told me casually. I part of me wanted to tell him I was in fact a man, but my chances for survival was probably higher as a woman. "But, orders are orders, can't do anything about them really." Before I had been able to react he had pierced me right through my chest with his weapon. I fell down on the ground, in a pool that was quickly formed by my own blood. I wasn't sure what annoyed me the most, that I could have been at home right now, or the fact that the stupid priest had been right.


	4. It is easy to just make the Grail appear

**I want to take some time to thank my two reviewers for making my day, and making me write, even though I'm all out of ideas.**

**So, if you think this chapter isn't up to par and generally lacking in quality then, yeah, you're right, it probably is.  
**

* * *

Today had turned out to be a rather interesting day, it all started as usual, but as soon as school begun, events that were all but regular had transpired. First of all, the school idol, Tohsaka Rin, hadn't shown up. She had done this once or twice in the past, so it wasn't all new, but it was still enough to raise a few eyebrows. However, just as the school bell rang, the big surprise for today was revealed. No teacher entered the classroom, none at all. This might not have been a shock for most people, but for this class, who had Kuzuki Souichirou as homeroom teacher, it was an event that could be likened with that of a solar eclipse... not once had Kuzuki ever been late to a class, or early, for that matter, it was almost as if he stood outside the classroom, waiting for the bell to ring before entering. He was the incarnation of punctuality.

Yet, it took a good ten minutes before the door to the classroom was opened, although, it wasn't our teacher who entered the classroom... but someone else. He was wearing a blue robe, and under it some black shirt, accompanied with black pants. If it hadn't been for the necklace with a cross around his neck, I never would have guessed that he was in fact a priest, there was just something... evil about his appearance. That brown hair and frowning face that would occasionally smirk... it sent chills down the spine of every student in this room, hardly the effect you'd want from a priest.

However, he didn't seem to take any notice of the general insecurity that was so obvious, and had entered the room as if it was natural, and he had walked up to the teacher's desk and sat down behind it. He gave the class on evaluating look before looking down at the desk, flipping around some paper on it, and reading a few. I couldn't help but feel like he was only doing this for show, as if he wanted to stall his introduction, see if anyone was going to do anything. However, when no one did, he got up himself, took a piece of chalk and begun writing on the board. He wrote two words: Kotomine Kirei.

He cleared his throat, and then begun speaking with a very teacher like voice, it was almost as if he did this every day. "As Souichirou has run into some trouble at home, he has asked me to fill in for him for today. I am Father Kotomine Kirei, you may refer to me as Kotomine or 'Father', anything else will be punished. Have I made myself understood?" No one answered, instead people looked at each other, as if asking the one sitting next to them if this was okay. 'Who is he? Does he know Kuzuki? He called him by first name...' were some of the general questions being thrown around the room, in mere whispers of course.

Kotomine looked a tad disappointed with the reaction from the class, as he tapped the board twice with his newly acquired piece of chalk. "Perhaps I overestimated you people. As I just told you, I am Father Kotomine Kirei, if you were unable to figure it out, I am the one entrusted with the local church, and yes, Souichirou and I have had some contact, however that doesn't matter, what I wish to know is; have I made myself clear?" His voice was commanding, it kind of reminded me of Kuzuki, yet it was somewhat different, more of a 'do this for your own good' rather than Kuzuki's 'such are the rules' tone... it was understandable why the two of them would get along. Either way, the class answered with an almost unified 'yes' and Kotomine nodded in approval, and turned back towards the board. "Well then, let's start class."

This was homeroom, so when Kotomine began writing what looked like facts on the board, there was no wonder that my entire class was confused, I remained calm of course, sensing trouble, however one guy at the front did not. "Um, this is homeroom, so... AGH!!" He was interrupted as the piece of chalk Kotomine had been using to write collided with his forehead, hard enough to cause the chalk to break into pieces. "My name is not 'Um'. Your right of speech has been revoked, please remain silent for the remainder of the lesson." He hadn't taken his eyes of the board, but you could almost feel the glare, as if it was coming out of the back of his head. He picked up another piece of chalk, and resumed his writing.

The class was silent for a while, fearing speaking would make them end up as the poor guy who had dared to speak improperly... he was currently rubbing his forehead, which I would find out after the lesson had become disturbingly red. The words on the board seemed to be mostly nonsense... Holy Grail... Servants... Caster... Command Spell... it would be natural to assume this guy was a nutcase, however unlike most of the class, I decided not to judge him too quickly, perhaps he'd say something interesting. Besides, he seemed like a disciplined enough teacher, as when a girl had leaned over to give the guy behind her a note, she had been instantly targeted by chalk, causing her to yelp. "I demand full attention, that is not something unusual to give your teacher, right?" The somewhat threatening tone in his voice was still there, but he seemed to have grown into this teacher role quite quickly.

After a while he stopped writing, and took a step back to admire his work. The entire board was now filled with diagrams, numbers, and words. He turned back to class, ready to begin explaining what was going on. "Well then, the Holy Grail War is..." There were a few people opening their notebooks, me included, ready to jot down what he said, as it might come in handy later... after all, I sure as hell have never heard of anything like a Grail War, this was clearly brand new information, probably for everyone in the class. However, Kotomine hadn't stopped talking because he wanted us to reach for our notes, rather, he had stopped because someone had suddenly knocked on the door. "Please, do come on in." his voice sounded friendly, but you could tell just by looking on his face that he was planning something.

The door opened, revealing Tohsaka Rin, who had begun making an excuse as soon as the door opened. "I'm sorry for being late, I...Kirei!? Why are you here!?" the shock in her voice as she saw the man in the room had been impossible to hide, which was quite amazing, as Tohsaka was known as a rather levelheaded person, but apparently the surprise of seeing this man, who she probably knew quite well, since she used his first name, was too much for her. Kotomine answered, clearly not affected by her surprise. "I see you are as disrespectful towards your teacher as ever, Rin. You do not answer my repeated calls, and now you come in late. I hope that in the future, you will spend more times on your studies, and less time on the seventh one. I will have to thank Emiya for bringing you here later, if it was not for him, you probably would not have come." He spoke the words casually, as if it was usual for Tohsaka to skip school, the one and only Fuyuki High school idol, skipping school... it wasn't something anyone in this class could fathom.

Tohsaka was still off guard, and it took quite a while before she responded, and even then it wasn't much of a defense. "That's... not true... I uh..." she stammered, looking for words, and Kotomine wasn't one to let such an opportunity be, now that he had the always snappy and quick witted Tohsaka at her knees, he would push his advantage. "I see, I see, this is the first time I have seen you like this. Emiya Shirou, I can never thank you enough... at any rate, you are late and violated the rules I had set, but then again, I suppose you didn't know about them, so I'll make your punishment a light one." his voice was still casual, but there was a pressure behind the words, he wasn't going to let his prey escape so easily, he was going for the final push. "I..." Tohsaka was truly beyond help, there was nothing anyone in this classroom could do to help her now.

Kotomine suddenly took a piece of paper from the desk, wrote something on it, and then walked over to Tohsaka and handed it to her. "Here, deliver this to Archer, and tell him to head home before me, due to certain complications, it would seem I will have to stick around here longer than originally planned. He should be in the teacher's lounge." He turned around, giving no further explanation, and walked back to the board, ready to continue where he left off. However, the strange request had jolted Tohsaka's mind, and it was back at full capability. "Is sending students on private errands really something a man of your stature should do, priest?" her voice was cold, clearly refusing what she had been told to do. Kotomine seemed to have planned this however, as he just turned around and told her, with a clear superiority in his voice. "You broke the rules, twice, and you were late for the lesson. Are you saying you refuse to take responsibility?"

Tohsaka was about to retaliate, but something passed between the two of them, as Tohsaka realized what situation she was in. If she openly argued with someone in a teacher position, her status as school idol would suffer heavily, perhaps to a point where it could never recover. However, if she took orders from this guy, who legally probably shouldn't be in a teaching position, her pride would take a possibly even heavier hit. She chewed on her lip, weighing the pros and cons, and then finally answered. "No, not at all, I was just curious... I'll be back in a minute, then." She bowed, and took a step backwards exiting the room, and closed the door behind her. Kotomine chuckled for a while, enjoying his victory, and then got right back to teaching.

He tapped the board with his chalk, pointing at the word Holy Grail War. "The Holy Grail War, which you are all about to become casualties of, is a battle, a war, between seven Masters and seven Servants. These people fight this war by killing each other ruthlessly, however, they do not commit these inhuman acts because they want to. Everything is a ritual to decide who is the most suitable to receive the Holy Grail. Because of its greatness, we require trials to determine its owner." He was once again interrupted by a student. "Hold on, you keep saying stuff like 'Holy Grail', but... ow, was that really... OW! Okay, okay I get, STOP IT!" the student leaned down low, as he had been hit by three pieces of chalk, all being critical hits, right on his forehead. Apparently Kotomine's form of punishing was to keep doing it until the target became quiet. "My name is not 'Hold on', 'Was that really' nor 'Okay, okay I get it', yet you tried all of those three. Should you violate the rules further, I will turn you into a nice meal for Archer. To answer your question; I do not know if it is the same Holy Grail you read about in certain stories, but it has the same power, possibly even overwhelming that."

The lesson went on without any troubles from the students. The priest was able to fully explain the concept behind this thing he called Holy Grail War, and he was halfway through the subject he called Servants when a girl raised her hand. "Father, homeroom is over now, it's time for the second period." she sounded nervous, expecting him to attack her with chalk, however he just nodded contently, pleased that she had followed the rules and addressed him correctly. "I see. It cannot be helped. Then, what is your next lesson?" he asked, not looking like he was actually about to bring this to a close. Someone from the back answered in a low voice, knowing what was up. "World History... with Kuzuki..." The priest grinned as the students let out a groan. "You people sound energetic enough, no need for a break then. Let us continue."

Time wore on... Tohsaka never came back, perhaps she was never able to find this 'Archer'... who by the way turned out to be a 'Servant Class' in this 'Holy Grail War' thing... I had to admit, it was interesting at first, although the rules seemed to be full of loopholes, and there was this thing about how 'no outsiders should find out' that he had mentioned that kind of bothered me, seeing as he was teaching a classroom full out 'outsiders' about this right now. Yet, no matter how interesting it had been at first, after an hour and a half of constant listening, my brain was turning into a soft mush, and the fact that someone pointed out that we had Ethics with Kuzuki right after this lesson didn't make it any better.

The students had had enough, all they needed was a leader, someone to lead the revolution, and they would be able to overthrow this cruel tyrant, no matter how hard he could throw a piece of chalk. "Enough of this!" someone yelled from the back of the classroom and stood up quite suddenly, causing his chair to fall over. Kotomine reacted instantly, targeting him with his chalk, however the student was prepared, and blocked it with his hand. "Is that all you've got? A few pieces of chalk cannot stop me! Nor anyone else in here! Your reign is over!" He put his arms out wide for emphasis, and a lot of students yelled in agreement with him.

I'm not entirely sure what happened next, it happened so fast. Kotomine moved his arm, the sound of something flying through the air, flesh being ripped apart, and then something burrowing itself into the wall. Silence. No one could understand what had been done, their hero had been instantly defeated... Turns out, when your spread your arms wide for emphasis, your hands make pretty good targets, and that is what Kotomine had used to his advantage. He had tossed what looked like a sword, although the handle was surprisingly short, at an inhuman speed, and it had hit the student's palm, and then continued to the wall right behind him, effectively nailing the hand to it. "Wah... UA-" the student almost screamed out in pain, but he was silenced as an additional pair of swords burrowed themselves into the wall, right next to his throat. "I will not allow loud noises in this classroom." Kotomine stated simply, as an additional three swords appeared in his left hand, but rather than finishing the student off, he began writing on the board again, apparently keeping the additional swords as an 'I dare you' kind of gesture.

No one said anything else, the guy who had been unfortunate enough to serve as an example hadn't made any attempt to free himself, he was just standing there in the back of the classroom, silently sobbing, not that I could blame him, that looked like it hurt. A few others around the classroom began sobbing as well, out of compassion for the sacrificed one or outof fear I didn't know, but this class had given up on hope, I weren't even sure if he'd let us go when it was time for lunch, and our lessons with Kuzuki was over for the day... and if he did, would he be back tomorrow? I glanced at my wrist watch, fifteen minutes left, until lunch, soon I would have the answer.

Kotomine stopped writing on the board, revealing what was now a fairly regular question about abortion. "As some of you may recall, I said rather early that witnesses to this battle must not be allowed, and should be eliminated. For the slow ones out there; you are all now technically witnesses." Panic instantly broke out... is what I thought, but no, no one moved, Kotomine was in control, people knew resistance was nearly futile, yet, there was a question that had to be asked. "Kotomine... are... are you going to kill us?" the voice was merely a whisper. Kotomine chuckled. "No,an entire school class dying during their lesson is not something easy to cover up, especially since I can be tracked here, besides, as the supervisor it is my duty to minimize the causualties of this war, so you will have your memories altered, to forget all of this."

A group of five men suddenly walked into the room, all of them wearing similar clothes to Kotomine. Memory altering? Had he been serious all along? This whole crap about magus and heroic spirits had some truth to it? Kotomine had begun moving towards the door. I had to stop him, I had one question to ask now, if all of this had been true, if we were going to get our memories wiped, then why... "Why would you do all this?!" I yelled out, not sure if he could hear me as the students in front had started making quite the fuzz when the men had started whatever procedures were necessary when altering memories. Kotomine looked rather annoyed, so I was quick to rephrase my question before he did anything. "Kotomine, if we are getting our memories wiped, then why did you go through the trouble of telling us all of this?" This time he looked more pleased, probably because I addressed him properly... apparently it was more of a big deal than I thought. He looked at me, and then told me in a deadpan voice. "I was bored. Class dismissed." He vanished out the door, out of my sight.

Well I can't really blame him now, that was a decent reason in my book.


	5. Rejoice, your wish shall be granted

**The Night Kotomine Ineffectively Tried to Steal Christmas**

_A Christmas Story_

Come in children, and listen to a story with rhymes ever so witty  
As night settles over Fuyuki City  
The lights go out, house after house  
No one is awake, not even a mouse  
Great excitement is held in all hearts  
As Christmas Eve comes, as soon as the night... departs

One young boy, goes to bed with a smile on his face  
The warmth of Christmas in his full embrace  
Yet little does he suspect, that when his eyes are shut  
His living room window would be opened, by a man with ice in his gut  
Yes in this town filled with peace  
One man tried to force the happiness to cease

With steps ever so sure  
He headed for the Christmas tree, which was thought to be secure  
Intending with all of his might  
To set a stop to the Christmas night  
With fingers completely void of mercy  
He stretched for a present probably containing a jersey

He packaged the package in his packaging bag  
This night's endeavor he would later about brag  
Outside the house waited his two allies  
This plan they had both come to despise  
Dragged along with their Master's plan  
Thinking he was truly an insane man

"Oi, Kotomine, are you done yet?  
I'm getting bored out here"  
A blue haired man stuck his head through the window  
The priest inside sneered at him with great.... swindow?  
"Lancer if your next sentence does not rhyme  
I will turn your entire body into slime"

The blue haired man harrumphed and leaned back out  
Thinking the priest was serious no doubt  
The other man's loud complaints could be heard  
That a king should have to do this kind of a job was truly absurd  
The main villain ignored the two  
This time reaching for a present colored blue

However before he was able to touch the present with his filthy hands  
The lights in the room were suddenly turned on, and in the doorway a person stands  
"Kotomine? Why are you here?" A red haired boy said  
As he saw the grown man stealing his newly bought sled  
The priest knew he had been caught in the act  
He did not try to hide his crime, since being seen was a fact

"Although my heart may be fake  
I cannot help but wonder why, Emiya Shirou, are you awake?"  
The boy didn't answer right away  
As the true reason he was up was to get a look at the present cache  
"Wait, that first part doesn't make any sense  
what does your heart have to do with anything?"

The boy is unaware of breaking the storytelling pattern  
The priest briefly considered kicking him to... Saturn  
"Do not mind the extra details  
just answer me before the story derails"  
The priest is well aware  
That when drawn out too long the plot can only be recovered through prayer

"It's my own house I can be awake if I want to  
It's not like I have to wait for your cue"  
The boy tries to avoid the question  
Knowing all too well of the priest's obsession  
The priest merely nodded, glad that the boy now rhymes  
Perhaps he could forgive him for his previous crimes

Before either one is able to say more in comes a small girl  
As the plot twist is about to unfurl  
Apparently unaware that anyone else was awake in the house  
She is surprised to see a priest and her spouse  
As she entered the room with a gasp the two sent her odd looks  
The fact that she should have been aware of their presence was obvious in their books

"Shirou, being up late is our enemy" the girl says  
Trying to shake off the suspicion there is  
"I could say the same to you, Saber  
surely at this time at night you're not up to perform any labor?"  
The boy wishes to know why she is tasseling about  
To guard the home at night, not even she is so devout

The girl looks away, knowing she is a terrible liar  
The situation she had planned out had suddenly turned dire  
Truth be told she too was up to have a sneak peak on the gifts  
However too ashamed to tell, she stands there, her weight from one leg to another shifts  
"I live here too, if I wish to be awake that is up to me"  
With a somewhat confident voice, the girl makes her decree

The boy recognizes the excuse as similar to his own  
If he pushed the girl further, his own lie might be blown  
Instead he decides to focus on the issue  
Why is this priest trying to steal his Christmas tissue?  
"Emiya Shirou, the answer is clear  
I am taking away all your Christmas cheer"

The girl was the first to respond  
A sword appeared in her hands, as with the wave of a wand  
Intending to annihilate the being which tried to steal her joy  
She did not care how much of a mana strain it would put on the boy  
However the priest quickly snatched a Christmas present colored in cream  
"This seems to be yours, are you sure you wish to destroy it with your beam?"

The girl stops her Excalibur with only a second to spare  
To take a gift as hostage, this man was truly square  
Knowing he had forced his enemy to stand down  
He could only smile at the girl's frown  
"Good, now just stay there and do not cause a trouble  
Archer, Lancer, get in here on the double!"

Two men suddenly leaped in from the window ready for battle  
They were ready to give the inhabitants of the house quite the rattle  
"Round up the remaining presents while I hold these two at bay"  
The two men sighed, to think that a battle was brewing, how foolish were they?  
With many complaints and censored curses  
The two carried out the job as the story reaches its final verses

"If you are going to take all the presents anyway  
why should I not turn you into a hospital display?"  
The girl asked, thinking that there was a flaw with the priest  
But he wasn't worried in the least  
"Whilst destroying a present is truly evil  
the ones taken still have the option of retrieval"

The two handymen had finished transporting mostly all things  
All that was left was the Christmas tree, decorated to be worthy of kings  
The three evil doers were ready to take their leave  
When the boy noticed something he could not believe  
"Hey wait a minute, that's not your present, that's Fuji-nee's"  
And so the priest and his compatriots were instantly blown away

* * *

**Rhyming is fun. Spending an unnecessary amount of time trying to make the format look pretty because the document uploader is retarded, is not.**


	6. The Grail can fulfill any wish

Fuyuki City, a town most troubled. Witches stealing people's mana, ancient Greek monsters activating killing boundary fields at schools and seemingly innocent girls being corrupted and walking around killing people at night are only a few of the problems the town has seen in the past, however even so, the people living here are not too worried. Partially because they have no idea what had actually happened during the previous incidents, and most of it was just shrugged off as 'gas leaks', however, there was a rumor on the streets that the town had a secret guardian, someone who always watched out for the inhabitants, never letting them fall into serious harm. This hero was said to be the most heroic of all heroes... the King of Heroes.

Right at this moment, the King of Heroes was watching over the town from atop a skyscraper, along with his sidekick. "Kotomanly, can you see anything that would disrupt the peace?" he asked his ever as loyal priest sidekick, as he turned around to face him, his golden armor glittering majestically in the moonlight, and his red cape twirling in a manner which defied gravity. "I can not, Archer. Also, how come I did not get to choose my own crime fighter name?" the priest is clearly annoyed, although he tries hard not to show it, wishing to keep his dignity in front of such a royal being as the King of Heroes. "Kotomanly, I do not wish to punish you with my superior powers, so stop inquiring about useless trivia, and start calling me the King of Heroes, lest the enemy find out my real identity."

The priest scoffed, thinking that 'Archer' is far less of a revealing name than 'King of Heroes' however, in his heart he knew that the logic of the exalted man in front of him was probably so complex that the genius of it eluded him. He did not get much more time to ponder on this, as suddenly the silent night air was disrupted by a woman's scream. "It sounds like a fair maiden is in need of rescue. Let's go, Kotomanly!" the man clad in golden armor jumped down the skyscraper roof, agile as a cat. A jump from that height would definitely kill a human, even a being on the King of Heroes' standard probably wouldn't walk away unscathed, however, the King of Heroes is no regular super hero, he has unimaginable power, and would thus land unharmed. The priest is weaker by far, and has to take the elevator down.

Whilst the sidekick had to wait for the metal box to reach its destination, the King of Heroes had already begun to move, and with unmatched speed, he entered a dark alley. In this alley he found a beautiful petite blonde woman lying on the ground, with a redheaded teenage boy crouching over her. "No, Shirou, I..." the poor girl was close to tears, however the offender did not care, as he was just a mindless brute. "Silence wench, if you just cooperate this will be much smoother. Probably not less painful though." The boy sneered, showing a set of yellow teeth, truly he was nothing more than scum, because yellow teeth means you're scum. "No! Please, someone save me!"

Unable to ignore the request of such an angelic female, the King of Heroes made his presence known to those in the alley. "I believe the woman asked you to stop, so I suggest you get off her, you filth!" the hero's pompous voice made the teenage boy bounce up from the ground as if it was burning hot. Now that the boy was standing up, the King of Heroes was able to recognize him, yes indeed, he had seen his face quite a couple of times before. "Faker Jr. I thought I taught you a lesson the last time our paths crossed... well no matter, since you still do not know how to behave like a proper civilian, allow the great me to teach you!!" As giving the bad guy a chance to respond was a polite manner far below his own standard, the King of Heroes immediately used his special ability to launch over fifty legendary weapons, intending to instantly annihilate this vermin.

Metal met metal, and the hero's projectiles crashed to the ground, having done no damage at all. They had all been countered by identical weapons, fired right at them in a similar manner. Whilst this was the problem with fighting Fakers, the King of Heroes had not expected Faker Jr. to have enough power to counter such a large scale assault. No, he definitely shouldn't, which meant... "I see. Where Faker Jr. is, the real Faker isn't far away, is that it?" The question was directed at the man who was nowhere to be seen, yet the hero knew he was there. "Something like that." A man in a red coat came walking out from the shadows of the opposite end of the alley. "You..."

At about the same time, Kotomi...manly walked onto the scene. "... Emiya Shirou, Servant Archer... I see the two of you also got dragged into this mess." he commented, as he took up position a bit behind the King of Heroes, looking at his enemies with no particular interest. The two of them answered with a mumbles of 'yes' and 'something like that' however the main hero did not care for their borderline fourth wall breaking. "As expected from my super intelligent sidekick, you figured out their real identities already!" He laughed in triumph, whilst his sidekick only shrugged, as the enemy clearly weren't making an effort to hide who they were. "Enough of this chitchat. Come at me, Fakers, this King shall teach you how to act like civilized people with these fists!" The King of Heroes suddenly yelled out, in a voice filled with glory and power.

Faker Jr. had no choice but to comply, as the effect of the voice was nothing short of enchanting, and he charged recklessly, two shortswords appearing in his hands. He slashed vertically at the hero with his left sword, but it was easily sidestepped. Faker Jr. wasn't done yet though, he quickly slashed horizontally with his right sword, hoping that the hero would be unprepared for the assault, however the blade was stopped in it's path by the hero's... index finger. "Ha ha! Kids should not play with such sharp tools!" the King of Heroes loudly declared, and using his other hand, slapped the poor boy, causing him to be thrown right through the nearby wall with a scream. "People die when they are punched through walls!!"

With the smallest threat destroyed, the King of Heroes turned towards the next enemy, only to find that he was already rushing towards him. With blades identical to the ones the younger alternative-past-version-of-himself had used, he had gotten very close whilst the King of Heroes had been distracted, and was now well within range to attack, however, he never got that far. "Humph, trying to attack from behind? Such cowardice must be punished!! Goldeeeeeeeeeeeen.... Uppercuuuuuuuuuuuutttttttttt!!!!!" Even though the attack had taken at least ten to fifteen seconds to call out, the Faker hadn't moved an inch, and took the attack right to his chin, sending him right up into the air, with enough force to make his remains circle the planet of Jupiter. "This is exactly the kind of enormous pain I have withstood to create THOUSANDS of weapons!!" Was the last that could be heard of the dreadful warrior, before vanishing with a twinkle in the sky.

The girl who had previously been assaulted by Faker Jr. slowly stood up on shaky legs. She tried to take a step, but wobbled and was about to fall, however, the gentleman in golden armor was by her side before she was even halfway to the ground, and picked her up bridal style. "Cute ladies like yourself shouldn't force themselves like that." he told her, with a voice that could melt butter. The girl blushed furiously. "I...I..." she tried to speak, however before she was able to form an entire sentence, her savior's head suddenly turned upwards, having spotted something.

"Kotomanly, catch!" he yelled to his sidekick, as he tossed the small girl towards him, however the priest merely stepped to the side, causing the girl to land face first on the ground. "Do not touch me, Servant Saber." he told her coolly, although not sparing her a glance. The armor clad man was irritated that his sidekick would do such a thing, it could jeopardize his chances with the girl later, but right now he had bigger troubles than berating the priest for his actions. His archenemy was near, he could feel it, because the air suddenly smelled like someone who hadn't showered for a while.

His instincts screamed at him to dodge, but he didn't know in what direction. He decided to leap backwards, and it seemed his Luck A rank payed off, as just after he did that, the spot he had been standing on just a second ago was impaled by a red spear, creating a small crater, and a blue haired man clad in a blue leather armor soon landed next to it. "So you decided to come out of hiding, Man Who Smells?" the hero asked of the man, who quite clearly smells. "Grr, I am dumb, I don't understand anything, I'm very bad at fishing, I can't do anything right. Gae Bolg!" the smelly man growled and snarled, before stabbing his weapon towards the glorious man with fancy golden clothes.

However, the thrust was halted, as the King of Heroes grabbed the tip of it with ease. "Such a pathetic attack, are you trying to mock me?" he chuckled, as he lifted the spear into the air along with the smelly man who had a firm grip around the other end of it. "Kotomanly! Combo!" the hero yelled at his sidekick, and with threw the spear towards his trusty partner. "Lancers are the only Servants who gets killed by their own Masters!!" The man yelled, as he was hurled through the air towards imminent doom. "This, is the power of Voice..." Kotomanly said softly, as his robe suddenly seemed to gain life, and from somewhere under it, a giant black shark with red eyes shot out, and swallowed the smelling man whole, it then landed on the ground, turned into a black goo and returned to the insides of Kotomanly's robe.

Now with the final threat destroyed, it was finally time to relax. The girl, who had at some point recovered from hitting the ground face first, ran up to her savior and hugged him tightly. "Oh King of Heroes, you are so manly, heroic, sexy, strong and did I mention sexy?" she sounded almost obsessive, which is acceptable, considering how manly, heroic and sexy the King of Heroes is. "Ha ha! I know! Now kiss me!" the King leaned down towards the girl, their lips drawing ever closer...

* * *

"And then they kiss, get married and have lots of babies, the King of Heroes ends up leaving her after ten years of marriage, as she has now degraded into a pathetic husk of her former self, and he has no interest in such things." Gilgamesh finished his story, looking rather proud of himself. Lancer silently reflected over what he had heard, as he looked at the riverbed they were sitting at, expecting the fish to bite any second now. "...Don't you think you made yourself a bit too powerful?" he asked, knowing full well that there was no way the guy next to him could actually uppercut anyone into space... nor that that he could stop the Gae Bolg.

However, the author of the story merely looked confused. "You foolish mongrel, this is a work of fiction, any resemblances to real or fictional people, places or events are mere coincidences. I am not in this story at all." he snorted, annoyed that someone would suspect him of doing something as lowly as self-insertion... who did he take him for? Lancer muttered a sorry, not bothering to point out that 'Fuyuki City' was the first thing mentioned, nor that Emiya Shirou's name had been said out loud. "Okay, another question... what was that thing Kotomine did at the end? It made no sense..."

"Kotomanly." Gilgamesh corrected the foolish man. "And I'm not sure, Kotomine had me change most of Kotomanly's original lines when I told him the story, for whatever reason, but he had me add that one in... you'd have to ask him." he told the truth, the original Kotomanly had been a realistic (frenetic) worshiper of his senior hero, and had spent the entire time doing nothing on the sidelines, but he had been forced to change that by his current Master. Lancer glanced behind him, to where the priest in question was sitting under a tree, well within earshot, reading a book. He his facial expression hadn't changed at all when Gilgamesh told his tale, so Lancer figured asking him about it would probably only serve to get him stuck in an hour long conversation about nothing at all.

It didn't seem like he'd be getting any more fish today, so Lancer decided to call it quits, and stood up. "I guess it doesn't matter. In any case, whilst you were busy talking, I caught ten fishes, you've got zero. Looks like I win this one, and you're the one who has to make dinner." With a grin, he displayed his catch, ten rather large salmons, to the other Servant. The deal had been simple, whoever caught the most fish would get out of making tonight's dinner. Kotomine had been excluded from the contest due to the fact that... well, he was the Master.

Gilgamesh looked pretty dumbfounded for a while, having forgotten all about the contest, however he soon regained his composure, and he smirked. "What do you think you're doing, you little thief?" he asked, sounding like a police officer who had just found a teenager crawling through a broken window. This time, it was Lancer's turn to look dumbfounded. "What do you mean?" he asked. "This entire world belongs to me, including the oceans and all that is in them. Not only did I win the contest by having all the fish in the entire world, you're stealing my property. You'll be making dinner for the rest of the year, as punishment for your cheap actions!" the self appointed king of the world spread his arms wide, laughing manically.

The lance wielding warrior spluttered a response, but before he was able to get further, he was cut off by a voice from behind. "I believe you have lost fair and square, Lancer, no one likes a sore loser." the priest's voice was as calm and collected as usual. "Fair and square? How can you... actually, never mind... I really hate you two. I'm going to go hang out with someone less nonsensical... dinner will be ready at seven." Lancer threw his fishing pole on the ground, and left the other two there by the river, as he headed into town, intending to walk around for a few hours, aware that there was no one within a hundred mile radius who actually made sense.


	7. It is not like I have no feelings pt1

_It is not like I have no feelings  
_

**Emergency!!**

**Big Trouble in Little Fuyuki!!**

Her fortress was under attack, Caster knew this, yet she didn't find it to be of much concern. She counted three enemy Servants total, one was fighting Assassin on the stairs, another seemed to be lurking in the forest, presumably watching the pair fighting and then... there was the third one. This one had initially made Caster rather nervous, skillfully slipping past Assassin, and the boundary field, making it to the temple's courtyard before appropriate countermeasures had been taken... Frustrating indeed, however it soon became clear that the summoned skeleton grunts Caster commanded was enough to halt the intruder's advance, so Caster could continue her experiment undisturbed, at least for a short while longer.

Although the situation might seem bad from an outsider's perspective, Caster had her enemies... well not exactly where she wanted them, but this was good enough. She had been able to clear out all the temple's inhabitants with a fake lottery ticket, winning them all a trip to the Official Grand Buddhism Event Gathering (naturally no such thing exists, and the people she had tried to trick did not believe it for a second, but that had been easy to correct... magic is great) so now she could use whatever magical spell she wished, without having to worry about it being wasted on innocent bystanders!

As luck would have it, not even her Master was here... he had been held up at school, something about a student neglecting work, at the moment it did not matter much to her, the only thing that mattered was the result... she could use full power, without restraint, and not worry too much about the consequences! Sure if the mountain got blown away that might be bad... but even so! She'd show everyone! Everyone who had laughed, saying that Caster had to be the most useless class ever! This was the day that marked her revenge!

It was, after all, within her power to summon a powerful dragon! Well, some may argue that she has no idea how to actually do this... and they would be correct. However, it's not like she can't learn! She is Medea, the first tragic heroine ever (at least recorded, she never properly thanked Euripides for that) not just some random hussy, it's not like she got by in ancient Greece on her (stunningly) good looks alone, although they certainly did help.

Back on topic however. This town had more than enough people living in it to fuel her magic for ages! That doesn't help on the whole "doesn't actually know how to summon the dragon" front, but Caster was a self-appointed genius after all! All she had to do was create a spell that allows her to learn how to summon the dragon, cast it, and then summon the dragon once it has taken effect! What a roundabout way to do things, you think? You're an idiot! Magic is awesome! Magic can do anything! Something like this is the natural chain of thought for a magus! Medea guarantees it!

Caster let out a loud laughter, certainly evil enough to send chills down the spine of anyone who heard it... shame no one was around. Realizing this, Medea clicked her tongue, and went back to casting her spell. She did not have much time left, those skeletons wouldn't last forever (although they had lasted unexpectedly long... whatever Servant was out there had to be more useless than Caster herself, only that Caster wasn't useless of course!) and when those defenses fail the trespasser is sure to burst in here and interrupt her work. People have no respect these days.

Some kilometers away a certain priest was leisurely enjoying his evening in front of the TV. While usually a rather... stiff person, some would say, he too had his relaxing moments. He was currently watching two petty politicians arguing about very petty things that had absolutely no implications upon the world at large. Granted the few people who would be affected by the outcome of this debate might think of this as important, but Kotomine could not help but be slightly amused by the fact that even if a winner was declared, it was not like he would be able to put his plans in motion before the end of the world anyway, not considering the way this Heaven's Feel was progressing.

"Regarding which..." Kotomine mumbled to himself, as he was reminded by the large amount of clothes that needed to be washed... It was Lancer's turn to do it, but Kotomine had sent him on a scouting mission for the night... bad scheduling on his part. Besides, it's not like whatever information he brought back would change much... that Servant wasn't much of a spy... nothing compared to what he used to command. Kotomine sighed at the memories of Assassin. It had been a weak Servant, completely useless in the few battles that it had taken part of, but unparalleled in its ability to relay intelligence on the enemy. He wouldn't mind swapping out Lancer for something akin to that, with Gilgamesh he had more than enough brute force, Lancer just seemed... redundant.

Perhaps killing Bazett had been a mistake... She would have made an excellent partner for Lancer, the two of them could have cleared up quite a few enemies, he was sure, only to be ultimately swept away by Archer. In hindsight, that may have been a more suitable plan, rather than waiting for the War to progress naturally, the current Masters were moving far too slowly... almost without motivation. Kotomine could feel a slight feeling of irritation building up, and decided to go make himself some tea before it manifests into something serious... his feelings were to be bottled up for as long as possible, and then released in a moment of kickass and awesome, to waste them in an empty room was unacceptable.

He had made it halfway to the kitchen when the shocking event of the night began. A sudden sensation ran through his left arm, his Command Seals to be exact... Lancer's Command Seals. His first reaction was the natural conclusion that Lancer had somehow messed up his scouting mission, and gotten himself killed, but he soon noticed that this was... different. It was not anything like the sudden pain of the time when Assassin had perished, this was something else entirely. It wasn't even pain, it was more like... discomfort. Like someone poking you in the ribs in order to wake you up.

Kotomine stood still for a few minutes, trying to figure out what this meant. As an ex-Master (and secretly current) as well as the mediator and supervisor for the Grail War he considered himself quite an expert on Command Seals, yet this was... unfamiliar. He finally made the decision that the current status of Lancer was worth checking out, unfortunately, Gilgamesh was not present this night, either.

_AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! LOOK AT THIS KOTOMINE!! I WON A TRIP!! A TRIP TO THE OFFICAL GRAND BUDDHISM EVENT GATHERING!! TRULY THIS COUNTRY KNOWS HOW TO PLEASE ITS KING!!!... What's Buddhism anyhow?_

The loud, boasting and confident voice of Gilgamesh echoed inside Kotomine's head. Anyone with common sense would have realized that prize was a hoax, so just as expected, Gilgamesh had fallen for it instantly. Kotomine hadn't felt too inclined to tell him about it, either. He did enjoy seeing people suffer after all, and the crestfallen (or enraged, actually most likely enraged) look on Gilgamesh's face when he realized he had been had was sure to be amusing.

Being out of options, Kotomine realized he would have to enter the fray himself. He wasn't particularly worried about that, he knew he had no chance in an honest battle against a Servant, but he should at least be able to flee for a few seconds, long enough to use a Command Seal and summon Gilgamesh to his side. Problem was that he would rather not be seen by certain other people... Tohsaka Rin and Emiya Shirou, to be exact. Should his cover as "neutral" be blown, he might miss the chance to see their ambitions culminate in sorrow and betrayal.

Still, investigating took priority at the moment, this strange sensation was still present, although slowly dulling. He knew Lancer would be atRyudou Temple tonight, so location was no issue, a quick run, nothing exhausting. Anyone who saw him would probably just see something flash by in the darkness, and quickly dismiss it as a trick of the light... the local priest dashing around at superhuman speeds in the middle of the night? Unthinkable. So after putting on his robes, making sure he had some Black Keys with him, just in case, Kotomine locked up the church and disappeared into the night.

It didn't take him long to reach his destination, and as far as he could tell, he had gone unnoticed. Kotomine was standing at the bottom of the unnecessarily long stairs, leading up to the temple itself. If he went beyond this point, whoever had taken up residence in the temple was sure to know of his presence... and the already farfetched excuse of "an evening stroll" would have to be completely discarded. Kotomine had hoped to be able to make contact with Lancer from here, before fully shedding his disguise became a necessity... no such luck.

He began climbing the stairs. He had been expecting something to happen, a magical countermeasure to keep intruders out, but so far, he couldn't sense a thing... even the air itself seemed... calm. He wouldn't say it was eerily silent, though. He could hear muffled voices just up ahead, still too far to make out what they were saying, or what tone their conversation was in, but the knowledge that living beings were waiting somewhere up ahead made Kotomine quicken his pace a little bit.

The moon had been temporarily hidden behind a cloud, something Kotomine was not sure if it was fortunate or not... it reduced his sight, sure, but it would probably have the same effect on anyone else who might be watching... unless that person was a Servant, but Kotomine's chances of survival did not increase by that much, sight or not. He had other senses, equally as sharp, that could be relied on. His hearing, for example, was finally living up to the prestige of a first rate Executioner, and he was able to make out parts of the ongoing conversation. "U...uweh... I'm scared... Where's dad?"

That voice seemed familiar somehow... although a whole lot lighter than usual. But surely that pathetic whimper could not belong to whom he suspected? Had he misjudged that boy completely? As if on cue, the sky cleared, bathing the stairs in moonlight, making the scene in front of Kotomine clearly visible. A bit further up the stairs was two small children. Unusual, Kotomine would have thought in any other situation, but this time it was actually outright shocking... wasn't one of them... "Emiya Shirou?"

Kotomine hadn't actually meant to call out to the boy, the name had come out in pure surprise. Still it was probably the correct way of progressing, as the boy turned towards him, clearly responding to the name. "W-who are yo-" the miniature version of his rival's child called out meekly, however before he was able to finish his sentence, a hand was thrust out in front of him, causing the boy to shriek and shrink backwards.

The owner of this hand was a small girl, the other child he had spotted. "WHO GOES THERE!?" she demanded, in a voice that sounded a lot less menacing than the little girl had probably intended. Kotomine recognized this one too... although she was a lot smaller than he remembered, she had definitely fought in the previous Heaven's Feel. "Servant Saber..." Kotomine made to move forward, towards the couple, however the girl did not seem content with that action.

"STOP RIGHT THERE!" she clumsily moved her hands around in the air, and Kotomine realized she was probably holding that invisible sword of hers... although it must be much too large for her to use effectively now, as evidenced by the fact that she was holding it with both her hands, and the wild swinging nearly made her lose balance. "Calm down, Servant Saber... just what transpired here to make you... so strange?" Kotomine was probably rushing introductions, although she should be able to recognize him from the last time they met...

"Stop calling me that! My name is Arturia Pendragon! King of the Britains!" she proudly puffed out her chest, an act that was proving comically hard, as the weight of the sword kept making her switch her weight from one foot to another, risking to fall over if she leaned too much to either side. Kotomine kept on advancing towards the couple, not feeling very threatened by the legendary King of Knights in her current form. The Servant did not approve. "Fine then! If you refuse to cease your movement, I will force you to do so! Prepare to die!"

With surprising agility, Saber jumped into the air, towards Kotomine, but the momentum did not carry her very far, and she was soon pulled back down by gravity and the weight of her sword, landing on the stairs face first. Kotomine was sure the girl had successfully killed herself, even as a Servant she seemed rather... weak, and that kind of a fall definitely looked fatal. However the girl quickly bounced back on her feet.

"Haauu... it hurts..." tears were clearly forming in the small girls eyes, and she was rubbing her forehead, where the early marks of a bump were making themselves visible. She noticed Kotomine had not stopped walking, and regained her composure. Realizing that the sword was useless to her, she decided to take on the man with her bare fists. "TOORRRYAAAAAA!!... hey!" in the midst of her not so frightening battle call, Kotomine had grabbed her by the back of her collar, and hoisted her up in the air.

"Servant Saber," Arturia protested by yelling at him to not call her that "I must say I am rather... confounded by all of this. I do not suppose you have any intention of telling me just what happened here?" Kotomine held her at eye level, quickly adapting to the situation, and the sudden difference in power level. "How should I know!?" she tried to punch him in the face, but found the length of her arms to unsatisfying. She wasn't stupid however, once realizing she wasn't able to reach her foe's face, she grabbed onto the arm which was holding her, and started trying to climb onto it.

Kotomine was growing weary of this. He was getting nothing useful out of this Servant, he never really had now that he thought about it, and Lancer was still nowhere in sight. He dropped the girls collar and swatted her to the ground before she could get a proper hold of his arm. He was not above child abuse, the basement of the church was a testament of that. "Y-you shouldn't hit girls! You big meanie!" at some point Emiya Shirou had gotten the courage to talk, not that Kotomine expected anything useful to come from that, either.

Ignoring the boy, Kotomine took a quick look around. Forest on both sides. Looks like coming out here tonight had been stupid of him... he did get to see something interesting, though. "Emiya Shirou, have you seen Lancer anywhere?" The boy paused to think for a minute before shaking his head. "I don't even know who that is." he answered truthfully. "So you are both suffering from some sort of memory loss, then..." Kotomine muttered.

Saber was once again starting to rise from the ground, probably intending to launch another assault upon Kotomine, so to put a stop to this, he put his foot on her back and pushed down lightly, pinning her. "Unfair! Fight like a man you coward! I have felled bandits more honorable than you!" she yelled at him, but he payed her little mind. He was currently debating what he should do with the two... just killing them seemed like the logical choice, he would rid himself of the most powerful Servant in this battle, not counting his own Archer, and would get some kind of revenge on Kiritsugu...

On the other hand, getting revenge on some kid who did not even know who he was seemed a bit dull, especially considering how pleased he had been when he found out Emiya Shirou would participate in the Grail War, only ten years after Kotomine's bout with the boy's father... killing him now seemed like an anti-climax, of sorts... Besides, he kind of wanted to find out what had happened to these two, a strange curiosity. A magical spell, powerful enough to break through even Servant Saber's defenses? A magical potion of youth? He'd have to ask Archer about that, he'd be more knowledgeable on the subject.

Suddenly, a loud rustling could be heard from within the woods, causing Kotomine to snap his head in that direction. The threat he had felt at first quickly vanished however, as a small boy clad in blue leather armor came waltzing out of the woods, dragging what looked like a long red stick behind him. "Lancer? This... thing got to you too then?" The boy jumped at the voice, apparently he had not noticed them standing there. "What did I do in the forest you ask? Why I certainly wasn't lost, or about to cry my eyes out of fear and loneliness! No way! I'm the brave Cú Chulainn! I was merely... scouting! For wolves! I am a hound after all! Grr!"

The boy bared teeth, giving off a very realistic growl, before laughing nervously and rubbing the back of his head, looking rather embarrassed. This... was the Servant he had summoned? Or well, actually the Servant someone else had summoned, who he had then killed, stolen her arm and Command Seals and made the Servant his. Details. Lancer seemed rather unconcerned about the whole situation, until he noticed the girl underneath Kotomine's foot. "Hey! You can't treat girls like that! Girls are delicate you know!"

Grabbing the red stick with both hands, which Kotomine finally noticed was actually the famed Gae Bolg, he was able to swing it around and point it towards Kotomine... for a short while. The uneven weight of the spear, caused by the fact that Lancer was holding it with both hands at the very bottom, caused him to fall forward. "Ah! Crud! I have made a fool out of myself in front of the enemy, and in front of a damsel in distress! Woe is me!" Kotomine briefly wondered what had caused the personality change in the adult Lancer he had come to know...

Still, there was a very serious matter at hand. He had three very small versions of people he previously knew and despised, some more than others, and he had no idea what to do with them. "D-didn't I tell you to stop being mean?!" Shirou's voice once again echoed on the stairs. Kotomine noticed that somehow the option of killing them all and forgetting this ever happened was becoming more attractive with each passing second. Still... kill first ask questions later had never been his motto, he was more of a preach first, preach some more, and then kill person. He could feel a headache coming on.

It may or may not be continued!


End file.
